its not stalking. its research.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
