I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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