you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
