you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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