Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
