Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
