I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
