2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
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