Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
