ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
