I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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