quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize