I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize