I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize
