T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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