I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
