I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
