so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
