the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize
