He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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