How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize