rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I love you.
Bad choice
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