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Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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