I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
