why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
