My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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