May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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