She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i think i have herpe
just one?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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