Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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