I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
