Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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