i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
