I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
