You smell like a Billy Joel song
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
