i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
