i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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