I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
