I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
