My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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