guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
