no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
