but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
