Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
