I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
