the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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