we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
