why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
