PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
