I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize