He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
