from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
