I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize