even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
