my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
