**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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