just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
