When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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