I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
