**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize