i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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