im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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