Pants 0. Shit 1.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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