I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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