508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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