Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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