her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
