Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
