Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize