Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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