omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
