hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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