Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
