last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
